highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
