Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
