I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
