He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
