Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
