Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
