if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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