well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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