You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
