I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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