Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
