okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize