my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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