Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
