I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Randomize
