You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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