kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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