well I can't set my house on fire every night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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