I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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