i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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