Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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