I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
