Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
