your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
did i just pee glitter
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
