Umm I'm too high to move.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
