I'm gonna have a badass scar
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this hospital has no fireball
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
