I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
