Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I supernannyed him into submission
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize