i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
