i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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