I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
