im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
