Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
