I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
