we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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