So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
