i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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