so let's talk penis.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
