we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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