Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize