I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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