sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize