accomplished twins. life is a go
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
