sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
