I just threw up on my dentist
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
worst night to have a conscience
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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