Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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