...so i touched it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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