everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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