are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
