Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
