I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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