So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize