go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
