there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
