what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
