I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
