dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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