I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
