Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
