I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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