Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
