She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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