I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize