I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she smelled like a LAN party
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
