So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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