you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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