I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
