I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
