and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
