Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
