Im at strip club and am horny
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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