i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
