But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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