We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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